Relationship between 100% of love by SaifulIslam with 90/10 solution by John Gray

luv2Last two weeks, I was bloghopping between blogs to blogs to find out some resources about boycott israel zionist products. I hop to SaifulIslam to find some resources, and after I’ve found out what I wanted, I’m clicking for his previous article and this article attracts me.


Cinta Seratus Peratus.( it’s written in Malay and translated by me !!-___- )

To summarize his article, SaifulIslam shared with us that wife will never had 100% of love IF she doesn’t being thankful for what his husband gave to her. The responsibility that the husband carry on their shoulder are heavier than their wife. The verses in Quran + Prophet ‘s saying are full of job and responsibility for husband. The responsibility covers from the spiritual and mental + physical of the wife, the happiness and protection, neccessities by the family, and the list still go on.  It is the husband’s first priority before other things and people outside his family.

And because of this responsibility, the husband MUST become a great lover. Love pushes him to work hard. It’s love who makes him more responsible. And again it is love which very greatly fuels him to do the job and carry the responsibility to satisfy the family and his own life. That is their pursuit of happiness because their happiness lies within the eyes of their family.

Without love, it’s a painful to carry that kind of burden. And the husband wouldn’t be able to bear the responsibility if he himself is not a great lover.

Yet, when a man comes back from their daily duties, their wife questioned them.

This is one of prophet Muhammad (pbuh) saying(hadith/hadis) that warns:


“Diperlihatkan kepadaku Neraka, sesungguhnya kebanyakan penghuninya adalah wanita, mereka itu mengkufuri”. Lalu Baginda SAW ditanya: apakah mereka itu mengkufuri Allah? Rasulullah SAW menjawab, “mereka itu mengkufuri suami (atau nikmat-nikmat berumahtangga), dan mereka mengkufuri Ihsan. Apabila kamu melakukan kebaikan kepada salah seorang daripada mereka sepanjang tahun, tetapi kemudiannya dia melihat sesuatu yang tidak kena padamu, nescaya dia akan berkata (kepada suaminya): aku tidak nampak satu apa pun kebaikan padamu!” [hadith riwayat al-Bukhari]

But then, this hadith doesn’t mean that women belong to Hell. There’s no gender difference in hell.But this is to remind of the reminder of the Nature Law ( Sunnatullah ). This is the answer for the clueless husband for the question before. Women tend to forget to be thankful. Women can easily forget a great job his husband did for the whole year just because one uneventful day when her husband screw up. This is because the women, it is written in their genes, were easily forget to be thankful.

Points Given by Saiful Islam

For husband, give 100% but don’t pursue that 100%. because in the event that husband already give 100% love and their wife want more beyond that, there’s possibility that man already neglect his responsibility towards his parents and his children. Husband has to be patience, and forgiving towards their family.

And for wife, be thankful for the love that their husband gave. That isn’t just love. It’s love + responsibility. be thankful to yourself and thankful to God.

Husband will go to hell if he didn’t give 100% of love as wife also will go if she keep asking for that 100% of love. Pray to Allah that we will neither be in one of them


After finish reading the article, I felt it’s similiar to one of the chapter inside this book that I’ve read previously = When Mars & Venus Collide – John Gray.

The 90/10 Solution.

To summarize points by John Gray in that chapter, it is woman responsibility to feel great and supported. men can only give 10 % and the rest is up to the women. By taking 90 % responsibility of their own happiness and only expecting 10%  from men, women can set up themselves and their partners for much greater success in relationship.

Women keep a track on the score of their partner, and herself too. Men generally score 3 points by going to work, coming home, and being faithful. Women will give herself 30 points for all the work she has did on her never-ending-to-do-list. When the woman on this scoring mode, when their men comes back, the marks unqeual and women will felt that unsupported. At this time, anything a man do, doesn’t make any difference in women’s feeling. When a women feels she has more points, she felt she’s losing.

For her to win, she needs to feel she is receiving as much as she giving.

Points Given by John Gray

It is known that eventhough women are responsible for their oxytocin levels to help their mood and feelings, men also need to know how to score. Men tend to think by doing something big they’ll score a lot of points. NOT! On Venus, every gift of love scores equal to every other gift of love, no matter how big or small. To score more points, rather than bring a dozen roses and get two points, a man can bring one rose twelve times and make twenty for points.

So for men = It is critical to know how to score. Every single question that showing your affection will get you points

And so for women = 90% of your oxytocin a.k.a emotion level are on your own responsibility. Be realistic to your own partners.


Well I just quote from what I read and understand. FYI, Saiful Islam/Abu Saif ( the same person) is one of scholars and John Gray, just in case you didn’t live on earth, is the writer behind the famous Man from Mars and Women from Venus. The related points between them is Women have to be thankful/feel she is receiving as much as she giving.

by bolding that statement, I really-really didn’t mean that I blame women or I bias towards my gender. It’s just that it’s natural for women to do that and so man, have to learn how to cope with this situation. It’s a win-win requirement for both.

//reference for Saiful Islam Article could be found here

//reference for When Mars & Venus Collide can be found at nearest bookstore on chapter 90/10 Solution. Can’t wrote here all of it lol.

Jan 2009

5 Responses to : Relationship between 100% of love by SaifulIslam with 90/10 solution by John Gray

  1. ABU SAIF says:

    Assalamualaikum bro.

    Thumbs up! Frankly speaking, I had that John Gray’s book for almost a year but have not come across the 90/10 solution chapter yet! But it is good to know that after digesting the magnum opus of John Gray, you’ll find that Sunnatullah is so universal that anyone can achieve the same result of understanding. The great thing about ‘us’ is that we can relate the finding with Him and our Next life.

    Great critical reading… being a silent reader, your silence is truly golden.. hehe


  2. ainee says:

    But then, both of them are male authors!! Not fair! Probably I’ll agree if I find similar opinion from Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood.

  3. ikhwan nazri says:

    abu saif – well you have many other books to read :) The real purpose after having a books, apart from reading, is referencing :)

    ainee – Thanks to you I’ve googled up her name and found maybe my next book = The Muslim Marriage Guide. but between those two male authors & Ruqayyah, I’m still not married which renders my points and my observation may have a flaw, because I didn’t experience it. :)

  4. Yessss…experience is priceless hehehehehe

  5. ikhwan nazri says:

    edry – adakah ini cubaan untuk menaikkan saham ko lagi huehuehue

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>